Back into the Game

As one would say I am back on my wagon.
I feel the need to write warning I  am a reader not a writer so if I forget a period or two don't freak out.I have read lots of post and they say ,well she didn't write like she is suppose to so I didn't read it.Please don't be like that to me,,once I get to writing I forget my periods because I am on a roll.I could go back and fix it,we will see.
I am not a stranger to Blogs in fact I love them,I actually follow a few because we have some things in common,
As we get closer to Christmas the more I want to crawl up and not get out of bed.Bring me my presents and some food,I will binge watch  Christmas cartoons all day. Now wouldn't that be a kick back day lol.
My son's 25th birthday is around the corner actually the 23rd,,boy do I miss him,,I wish I could put my arms around him hug him tight and whisper in his ear Happy Birthday Son!!! We both made it to your 25th birthday,,but I can't,,I can't touch him,I can't get him a cake or give him his gifts,,25 Son,,25,
My how the years have flown by.This year went way to fast but way to slow,,like life sometimes comes back to me in slow motions,
I put my self into church,,how I take care of my over loaded feelings,,I found myself talking out loud to God,,I try to be active but with my job that is very hard to do and I have already missed out,Grandbabies love it,,I try to take them every Wed night,,Sundays are hard cause of my hours but we try.
I sit in the back pew.Trying not to be notice as I sit with tears in my eyes praying to be heard.My heart hurts,and if I pray and cry it helps it a little,,I am not really active in the church so I sit unnoticed by a few of them,,long story there,,I was literally kicked out of that church once over something so petty,,I never got a word in to explain what I did know,,but the pastors wife never gave me a chance and now I sit back in the church with a new young Pastor and his wife,,who I might add has yet to say a word to me in the last few months she obviously had heard what other's think they knew what had happen instead of asking me or judging me,
Anyway either way I still go as often as I can it is not for them but for me,,I have to keep sane so I choose Church as my Rock,